i'm a deeply disturbed girl
I feel horrible.
OK so I'm currently at home.
Yet I'm lying on the carpet between the sofa and the coffee table.
So yes, I'm feeling horrible.
I don't know why I'm feeling horrible. It's like all mixed up inside and I can't figure out which one is it that's making me feel horrible.
I feel like talking to someone, but I'm 4 hours later than Jakarta and 5 from Malaysia. It's 12.31 here, who the hell would be up over there at this time of day?
I don't wanna sleep, but staying up isn't doing anything good to me either.
Maybe I'll just blab and trying to figure out what's bothering me along the way.
I hate LDR.
I hate not being able to meet up. I hate not knowing what he's up to, where he is and who he's with.
I hate worrying about him. Worrying whether he's eaten or not. Worrying whether he's cheating on me or not. Worrying whether it's true or not when he said his internet is down and therefore he's unable to come online.
Oh, and I hate the fact that it's damn expensive to text. Calling is, of course, out of the question.
I hate the way he says he misses me like crazy, and how it's killing him to be apart. Oh wait, scratch that, what I hate is when not long after he says those things, making me feel missed and needed, he then turned 180 on me and acts like he doesn't give shit about me.
I hate having to make changes when I'm starting to feel comfortable.
I hate people who comes in my life and makes me happy, but in the end leave me.
I hate when a guy treats a girl like something special at the beginning, but later on he takes her for granted.
I hate a guy who's trying to get a girl by trying to point out her boyfriend's faults, trying to prove that he's better than him.
I hate it more when the guy actually has his own girlfriend to take care of.
I hate having to feel jealous.
I hate it when my boyfriend gives me a reason to be jealous.
I hate the way boyfriends laugh at their girlfriends for being jealous, or even making us feel bad about being jealous.
I hate crying, coz it makes me feel weak.
I hate people who always tell me off for crying, as if it's an amusing activity for me.
I hate them for not understanding that when I cry, all I need is time, and a shoulder to cry on would be nice, thank you very much.
I hate it when my boyfriend is not around when I need him.
And I hate hating it coz I know that shows how selfish I am.
I hate not being able to stop blabbing.
I hate that no one can make me top now.
I hate not having the willpower to stop.
OK, willpower.
Stopping. Now.
Stop.
Full stop.
Good night.
A Sandy Post from Kuwait
I feel like time's going faster here. And I think that's quite a saying, since I have absolutely nothing to do. I wake up around lunchtime, get something to eat, turn on my laptop and do useless things in facebook, have dinner, watch TV, and call baby via Skype, often falling asleep while doing so.
I know, the 5 hours difference between Kuwait and Malaysia makes us have to sacrifice our sleeping time a bit to communicate with each other.
So I've been doing exactly the same thing as I did when I was in Malaysia, but somehow I feel better here.
Maybe bcoz :
- I don't have to spend money to feed myself
- I have human beings in the house to interact with. Hey, fights counts as interactions, rite?
- Faster internet connection
- The presence of TV and books to indulge myself in
The only downside, is of course, not being able to see baby :( I've been missing him like crazy. If only he could be here, then I would have everything in one place.
But then they say we can't have everything in life at the same time.
Completely unfair, in my opinion.
So yeah, some of you have been asking for a glimpse of Kuwait.lol. I haven't really been going out a lot, so this is just a view from my 3rd floor apartment
Down there is the Mosque which, I think, is under renovation. And next to it is my brother's school. As you can see, most of the buildings are painted in sandy colors, this is due to the dust storm that occasionally hits the country. If they paint the buildings in another color, imagine how dirty it'll be after the storm.
This is a bit blur, so I'll just tell you that it's the rooftop field of the school. Why I chose to take a picture of it is because I had a rather traumatic experience up there. My class were having P.E. that time, and that's when the dust storm decided to hit. Annoyingly enough, my teacher insisted that we stayed up there, tho fortunately he had the sense in him not to force us play. At the time, the wind was blowing so hard, and all the dust were in it. It was so dusty that I couldn't see a thing, not even the buildings around us. As expected, my hair was full of dust and sand, I had to wash my hair three times that night.
Oh, and FYI, I took these pictures at 17.21. Maybe that's why I feel like time's going fast, it gets dark pretty fast.
That's it for now. Gonna go shower and find something for dinner. My dad's away on a business trip for the week, so that means no family dinner routine and I just have to get something to eat myself.
Until next time.
XOXO
Currently bursting with ANGER
I'm majorly pissed.
Was having an OK day up til the evening, when suddenly someone IM-ed me on ym. The fact that he even talked to me was bothering me a bit. Before you judge, I'll let you know this isn't the first time it happened. If you wanna talk to me I'm fine with it, but if you wanna talk about the past you better keep that mouth shut k. Talking about the past won't bring me back to you. Lie to me all you want but I know you have someone in your life already. Know when to eff off k? Enough is enough. I'm sorry about that but what you're doing now is really getting on my nerves.
Next texted the bf in hopes of getting a bit cheering up, but turned out his internet was down or sumthing. Texted for a while and fell into an argument of sumthing stupid.
Had I been a volcano I would've erupted.
I don't know which one's worse, fighting face-to-face or fighting when you're thousands of miles apart.
Sigh..
XOXO
2010
Everyone has their own stories of how they close 2010.
Mine's with a barbecue.
After a few plates of grilled steak and fish (yes, a few :p) I was ready for the day, and the year, to end. To be honest, I wasn't that keen on celebrating anyways. Thankfully, the party wasn't so bad.
And I found a new cutie ;)
I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to cheat on you...
...but he's just too irrestistable :) lol
Since Kuwait's time is 5 hours later than Malaysia, and 4 hours later than Jakarta, I was positive I'm gonna face the start of 2010 alone. However, baby texted a few minutes after 12. That was sweet of him. (ps. by the time I'm writing this post I'm actually kinda pissed at him. but I'll try not to let it cloud my judgement or anything)
Then he called me when I was on my way back home. He said he was tipsy (sounded rightly so), and he went on and said the sweetest of things...even though I'm not sure he remembers it by now. Probably even get a shock when his phone bill comes. (hey, I said I'd try)
As a matter of fact, I so feel like writing right now..let's just see whether I'll post it up or not.
XOXO
My 2009
Among all 18 years I've experienced in my life, 2009 for me, is of the utmost significant.
Why so?
The start of my 2009 was marked by me moving to a whole new country, a whole new world of college, and living by myself.
I had my ups and downs, but overall, I do not regret it at all. I enjoy living by myself, I'm proud of my independence, happy of my freedom, glad of the new skills and experience I've earned.
I'm grateful of the friends I've met, the friends I've made, even though now some has gone their own ways. And to the friends that stood with me through those ups and downs, you guys are the ones that leave footprints in my life.
Last year, the words New Year really gets to me, coz it is the year of everything brand new for me. The year I started a new life from the scratch.
By this time, I believe most people's had a mental note of their New Year Resolution. I admit I haven't, and I'm not gonna have one. I'm never much of a planner. I'm just gonna keep on living my life, and figure things out as I go along.
To everyone..
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010~!
XOXO
When Water's Pouring Down From The Sky, I'm Rotting in My Room
It's gonna rain soon...
The clouds are moving in my direction as I type
My future university.lol.
Honestly, I don't mind the rain. I kinda like the sound of the rain hitting the ground, the breeze, and the sleepy, cold-ish atmosphere it creates. The only thing I have problem with is if it involves thunders. I don't think it requires further explanation. I. hate. thunders. Enough said.
Another week to go in Malaysia. My daily activities right now consists of eating, sleeping, facebook-ing, blogging, calling and texting baby. Oh, and showering when I feel like it. lol.
I know, I know. Damn boring.
To make things worse, I've been sick for the past few days, which puts me in a rather bad mood.
One week, dila, one week...
Sigh...
XOXO
Another Month's Passed By
Remember the video I made for my first month anniversary with baby?
I posted it last month, which means that now, is our 2 months anniversary already :)
Happy anniversary baby..
Unfortunately, since I've been busy with graduation and stuff these past few days, and also, I wasn't being creative, I came up with nothing this month.
So baby, don't you dare giving me your 'you don't love me anymore..you've changed!' crap.
This month, I admit, had been a hard time for us. However, I'm so glad and thankful that we can make it to our 2nd month, despite all the dramas we've had. So in this occasion, I'd like to apologize for the stupid things that I've done, especially the ones that upset you.
Sadly, we can't be together again tonite :( But then, there's always the thing called cellphone. Wait til I finish this post, then gonna call him til he gets so pissed at me :p
And of course, even though you've heard this so many times, I'll just say it again now...
...I love you
XOXO
19.10.09
that's when it all started..
